Since I'm taking up a "The Christian Vocation to Life"
(TREDFOR) class that supposedly talks about marriage, I'll blog about the said
topic.
As we all know, marriage is the official and legal union between two people to establish rights and obligations between the parties involved, including the soon-to-be-born children, and the immediate family of both sides.
Couples "tie the knot" for the following reasons:
- Statement of love and commitment
- A must for some cultures
- Have 'legitimate' children with a good parent
- Legal and financial benefits and rewards (i.e. insurance, savings, tax benefits, social security)
- Making your relationship official gives more substance to it
We think marriage is easy, because in our eyes it will only bring
pure bliss. However, marriage is a big step and an even bigger commitment, should think
about the problems, sacrifices, and heartaches that comes with it.
Some of the problems that may arise in a marriage (Brown, 2008):
- Communication - most common and most difficult of all
"This is often more a matter of refusing to allow the existence of the
other's view as
opposed to not understanding it! It is an unwillingness to take
the time to genuinely listen
and care to understand. In many relationships the
interest seems to lie primarily in getting
one's own point of view heard and
understood rather than having an interest in hearing
and understanding the
others’. "
- Unfulfilled expectations
“One of the saddest set-ups in relationships is entering into
them with all kinds of expectations and then over the years, feeling
disappointed again and again that they have not been met. Majority
of couples have entered into their relationships with their
focus on what the other person had to offer, not on what they were bringing to
the party. Again, we are often quite unaware that this is our mindset.
We must be willing to look closely and honestly at ourselves to
see if these are truths about us. Not everyone is willing to do this. To truly
understand what you are seeing in another, you must first hold up a mirror and
understand what you are seeing there.”
- Sex and Intimacy
“If there is a lack of intimacy with regard to the basic friendship in the relationship, it is also
expressed (or not!) in some manner in the bedroom. To further complicate matters, as rule sexual
interactions mean something different to men than they do to women. Women like to feel
emotionally connected before they become physically connected. Men, on the other hand, often
use sexual activity to get connected in the first place. (It's a cruel joke of the universe I think). If
your sex life is in need of a tune-up, chances are your relationship needs tuning first."
- Resentments - number one killer of relationships
“They are a slow poison,
undermining the love, trust and mutual respect you may have once had with each
other. It is critical in the treatment of relationships to uncover these often
unknown or unspoken resentments. Each person is then responsible for
discovering the part they played in the creation of these resentments along
with what they can do to improve themselves. The focus is not on how the other
person needs to change, but rather on what you can do to change yourself to
bring something better to the party. No blaming, just self-responsibility. It's
always a dance of two, never just of one. Resentments often build as a direct result of a person's
inability to communicate their needs and/or take responsibility for them in the
first place. Resentments lead directly to loss of
respect for the other person. Loss of respect leads to sexual problems, more bad
feelings, blame and distancing.”
“If your connection to your
partner is missing big pieces, start by
looking at what you are bringing to the party.
People who are content and
fulfilled within the marriage, virtually never look outside of it to fill
themselves up. Affairs are often used as a way to lick one's wounds, to escape
from the difficulties of the current relationship, to abandon the
responsibility we have to work on the troubles in our relationships
straight-up, rather than behind closed and secretive doors with someone else.
Relationships can heal from
this most devastating of betrayals, but full responsibility, remorse and true commitment to self-development
must be the foundation for the healing. You must be willing to do whatever it
takes to rebuild the trust that's been lost. Nothing less will do. Many do not
have the courage or character to take this on. If you do, you have the chance
to create an even deeper, more meaningful relationship . . . "What doesn’t
kill us makes us stronger”. (Brown, 2008)”
Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201007/why-did-you-get-married
http://www.saveamarriage.com/marital-problems.htm
